Haven't had the time to talk about

I just blindlessly stare at the monitor, thinking when did it go wrong, when did I lose my idol, what kind of lady would I want to be by my side. And so I sat down, started to type, and hoped, the words would finally unveil this misery. 


It all started with a girl, from my high school, but my years had passed, so I could not and would not want to remind myself of how selfish I was. Even though at that time, I camouflaged it as creativity, it would still be selfishness, because we did what I wanted ( on the other side, we really had no other alternatives, my fiancé lacked that "surprise me" attitude ). This is all. I cheated on her, thought I'm in love, but was not, in fact. It's just that what my old girlfriend lacked, the new made it up.

And so came the prom, where, in theory I was with this girl  -even though, the day before, we broke up-, but I came with another lady, whom later became my new girlfriend. But, spending that time with me wasn't an option for her ( F.E. ), but all in all, I understand. I was and I am a big misery. People just cannot really follow who I'm with, who I'm dating, who I'm into... So to speak, I had a wonderful time with ( waitforit ) another girl, whom I danced with all night.

But, as I revealed earlier, the girl, whom became my new girlfriend after breaking up with the other... Ohh, she was marvelous. She was pretty, and intelligent, and emotional, she loves the fine-arts, and surprised me  more than everybody in my life, to this day. We really had a great relationship, we could chat for hours, and she made me feel somehow... Important, and a Man of Great Value. I always thought, I'm the happiest man, currently living on Earth, because she was sleeping beside me. But this relationship had it's flaws, and those weren't coming from US, or from YOU, but instead, me. I always gave you up, and let you down. And now, you're walking your own road, but you are not the same person, whom I got to know, a little than 3 years before. Even if I'd like to, I think... I could not fall in love with you again... Not after the recent events, but maybe I'll name my daughters Zoe and Lisa. :) But as the new semester came, I fell deeper in my own sins, and left you, which made me look like an idiot, but true to himself.

With outstretched arms, I waited for a girl to take a seat in my life, but that just didn't happen. And even if I'm attracted to somebody, it's always not that easy. There is always something, which obstructs my entire plan, but hell... plans are made only to fall apart. So I guess I'm stuck with that. " Ask me, are you happy? " And I'll answer, yes, because I have a life to live, I have my goals, and I have my motivation, in YOU, hiding behind those pesky little clouds, waiting for me, to meet somewhere, or maybe, you are in my sight, it's just that we did not realize we can make each other happier, than ever before.

But if you come, I'll swear I'll show you the world, in all it's beauty, I'll talk about those irrelevant facts, when we get to smoke a cigarette in my window, and the sky will be the bluest blue ever, and it will be something old, and something new.